Spencer Lacrosse London

London's premiere lacrosse club for players of all abilities

League: Spencer 28 - 0 Welwyn

With three games played with two wins and a loss it is a good start for most but not the almighty Spencer. Who is coming to visit today? That’ll be Welwyn Garden City!

Welwyn are a young team who won the premier league a few seasons ago. Their results have been like a bag of pick and mix this year having beaten Hillcroft and also lost to Reading. But today I think it is time to buckle your seat belts boys, you’re on Spencers turf now. You better bring your D1-Game because shit just got real.

The sparrows arrived and were ready for action with only James ‘i haz scored goal’ Mearns running late. Rob ‘all work no play’ Holmes’ had already messaged the team about the vibrant youth of Welwyn. Tim ‘child abuse’ Holdsworth got that particular memo and was ready to “smash the shit out of ’em”. Delicately put Tim. I’ll be right back, just calling child line.

Welwyn didn’t start the day particularly well, being stuck in traffic for a few hours. It looked like the sparrows were just playing the keeper up until about ten minutes before face-off.  The game started with both teams looking strong, Welwyn had a couple of chances and so did Spencer. But it was the London team who broke the deadlock first and the European champions never looked back. Things didn’t get much better for the young lads.

Spencer had a slightly new feel to it with injuries and missing players. The defence consisted of Tom ‘check out my mini-me’ Leahy, Jonny ‘tonight will mostly involve Maxs sloppy seconds’ Clark, Will ‘i-am’ Clarke and Spencer ‘i play for Spencer on Spencer park and my name is Spencer’ Riehl. Not to forget Rick ‘not today fat Jesus’ Bon in goal who was immense as usual making more crucial saves.

Welwyn were a well drilled side and didn’t make too many unforced errors while making some good moves in attack. However there was a disparity between the teams with Spencer being more clinical all over the pitch in attack, midfield, defence and with the rock in goal it made the game very one sided. The sparrows continued their scoring and the first quarter ended 4 – 0 with Spencer missing a host of chances. Manager Tom ‘your scoring loads, but you’re shit’ Bailey gave a rousing team talk about how the sparrows still needed to improve. So onto the second quarter to see if the team took on board Tom’s advice.

Picture yourself cutting down a big tree with an axe. Now imagine Spencer was the axe, Welwyn was the tree and the second quarter was the ‘Timber!!!!”. After a fruitful first quarter, Spencer decided to open the flood gates on the young team. The attack on the day consisted of Will ‘top cheddar’ Walker, Joe ‘revenge of the tiny towel’ Darkins and Rob ‘I’ve been away all week so I’m going home for some action’ Holmes. The game finished with the trio scoring 19 between them. Jesus, someone call social services.

The second quarter ended 12 – 0. Just so you didn’t miss it, that wasn’t the final score, this was half time. Both teams huddled separately to reflect on the first half in very different ways. Although Spencer had been clinical, there was a lack of structure. So now was a great time to practice the new team moves before playing the top teams. Welwyn on the other had were surely wondering what they could salvage out of the game.

The second half started in the same way as the first. The midfield of Tim ‘entourage’ Holdsworth, James ‘vintage STX’ Mearns, Cam ‘filmstar’ Leslie, Gabe ‘double snakebite’ Barrie, Rob ‘they’re so little’ Arnott all were impressive and adding to the scoreline. The impressive transition on the day certainly made it very difficult for Welwyn adding an intensity to the game which was reflected in the scoreline.

The game ended 28 – 0. That’s like Jonny ‘how many did you score Tom?’ Clarke entering Infernos expecting to successfully woo a lovely lady. Only to leave with an attractive blonde, her housemate who is also her twin and returning to their single bed flat above a fried chicken shop. AKA “a job very well done”.

Although the game was anything but close, it will remain a memorable encounter. It is not often that a team scores 28 goals in a game, let alone keeps a clean sheet at the same time against a premier league team. Time to go to the bar and grab some will deserved beers.

Next week is East Grinstead away. Same again lads?

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